Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Today's Weather

I have two friends who are in kind of a slump...one because of a man she can't have (and never could and why she even went there is beyond me) and one just because he's in a funk for over a year...and now wants to see if meds can help. ? hmmm. I wish them both the best though...they are good people. Today...well...today was just gray! I hate gray, and cold...ugh...and the rain doesn't help either. Although, some things are nice in gray! ;-) peace

Friday, February 23, 2007

Today's Weather...

...was cold! Cold and windy and dreary...and exhausting! My job is kicking my ass. I'm so scared. In less that a month I have to facilitate a judicial council meeting and an investigative panel meeting on the same day. I have so much research to do, so much work to do and it's ALL ON ME. Starting Monday I'm full time as the manager of judicial council and I'm looking forward to it because I can give 100% to it, but at the same time I am so behind. The last month wearing two hats has really taken a toll I think. I know that knowing was my last day in the legal department before my new position starts full time...has zapped me. Plus it was a full week. Ok, I'm a temp! Whatever happened to us just filing and answering phones! lol Well then again, I'm specialized with my background, but still! So on that note, I'm beat...it's late (oh gawd, I said it's late at 10:51pm on a Friday night!) so, g'nite and hope everyone has a great weekend!
;-) peace

got damn!

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Rambling Train Ride

So as some of you know, I ride the train home from work each day, well days when I wake up on time and don't have to drive in at a hundred miles an hour to make it on time and then pay for a full day of parking. I email two friends throughout the day and we go back and forth and sometimes when I get home I do a post script..of my train ride home, so we can then talk about it tomorrow morning. ;-) I thought I'd post this one. Oh let me preface this by saying, Danny is a guy I work with, he's sweet and nice and cute and he dresses OH SO DAMN GOOD!! Seriously, he's straight but he must have a gay consultant or something 'cause he is fierce! His outfits have just been getting better and better the past couple of months, which of course makes me shop more 'cause hello, I'm gay!! I need to be best dressed, I conceded today though. My fashion gay gene must not be that dominant. His jacket matched his hair, his shirt matched his eyes, the whole ensemble was just perfect! So anyways...now the post..

So I'm on the lite rail on my way home and I'm checking out what the men are wearing (yes Danny has given me a complex) and I noticed that they are all pretty much drab except for the queen with his murse and Calvin Klein cologne which is hurting my sinuses. I hate CK, ugh the fag pheromone! Well I begin to notice that even the straight men have nice shoes, like really nice shoes. I ride the same car every day so I ride with the same people pretty much every day and I now know notice most of the men have more than one pair of work shoes. I only have one. I need shoes.

Secondly, there is this one tall and handsome man I check out periodically when he gets on at the same time I do. Nice smile, pretty eyes...married. He usually is very nice to people, I've never talked to him though. Well today he was standing right across from me and I noticed he had two wedding rings on (and good shoes) but the rings were on his middle fingers...one on each hand. Weird. So I'm listening to my cell phone and playing golf, when he puts his hand in front of my face to get my attention. So I pause my game and take out my ear buds and he asks if my phone was the new Chocolate. I know you have no tv, but it's a new phone from verizon that has a mp3 player on it also. Christina Aguilera sings Candyman on the commercial. It does look similar to mine. I say no, and I go to put my ear buds back in and he asks what kind is it? I say a Nokia and he goes what kind of Nokia, I say 6265i...it has video, an MP3 player and all that...and he goes it has the works huh? and I say yes and he flashes his smile. So I my put my earbuds back in and go back to my game. A minute later I look up and he's holding...and I seriously recoil at this point...a Bible!! I was like oh no, he's going to try and reform me!! Who reads the bible on the Folsom train?? Well before anything could happen someone gets on the train that he knows and they start talking...and it was my stop...whew, so I got off fast!! So maybe he wasn't trying to reform me but instead just catching up on his reading 'cause it's Ash Wednesday?? So do I stand next to him next time? Or keep away...far far away??

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Happy (faux) Hump Day!

Can you tell I'm ready for the week to be over already?? Well let's see. Work is insane as usual but I should get some relief this coming Monday as the lady I was covering for comes back from maternity leave...so then...I can just concentrate on the one position instead of two. Which is good because I have a meeting I have to facilitate next month and will need that long to prepare for it. Hmmm...I really am wondering if I should blog about this next subject. Well, I mean I should, it's pulling at me and I need to talk about it. Well I have friend...my best friend...who is female. Well, she now wants to be a he. I'm ok with that, I am. I just don't know about the end result, will she/he still be the person I've known since my 21st birthday? The night I met her and she saved me from a guy who was all over me! (I wasn't as outspoken then as I am now ;-) Will he still get my jokes and our humor that we basically created, will he still go guuurrrlll...and end with some smart ass remark? Will he still go with me inside our "bubble" that no one gets when they are around us and we are laughing our asses off? Will he still tell me I have a thin body even though I feel like I'm HUGE and need my ego stroked? Will he still be available for me to call at any time of day or night to ask who was in this movie that was about this subject? Because she has seen soooo many movies and knows them all by heart! Will he still call me snugglewugglepookiebear? Or is that not masculine enough? Will he still say when he's feeling bad or sick...come rub my tushie!
Will any of that change? That...I do not know...that is what I'm afraid of. If all that disappears...then what? I can't "fake" a friendship with someone I've known for so long. I had another friend tell me she had a friend named Jessica, Jessica is now Rick (or Tim) I forget, well that person, the new person..the male person...is so different now. His voice has changed, his demeanor has changed...she has changed. There isn't any part of Jessica in Rick (or Tim). They are not close friends now, they are acquaintances. I have been through so much with my best friend...so...so..much, I don't want to be his acquaintance, I want my best friend. I know that is selfish, and she will be quick to point out IT'S NOT ABOUT ME! lol So I know now that she is thinking I don't accept her lifestyle change, that's not it. I have my own opinions on transgendered people and I keep those to myself. They are not bad opinions...just ignorant ones I guess, because I don't get it. My point is, do what you need to do to feel whole, to be happy and to be the person you know you can be. Another thing that confuses me is she only wants the top surgery, not the bottom surgery...but she wants to take T (testosterone). So...and this may sound stupid..but is she then female or male? Does it matter? Should I care? In this day and age you have to be so PC, I just don't even know how to express these questions. I have asked her some things, but maybe not all that I should. As I write this I get a bit choked up, I get a bit scared and I get a bit sad. She has been such a part of my life for so long, her mom...I call momma #2 and have spent many a holiday with them. I've met her family, I've went to family functions with her and them. I know them, they are a part of me, she is a part of me. What if she does change? what if my best friend, my Ange is no longer Ange...but only Chase, a Chase I don't even know? Ok we have our problems like most best friends do, we talk about "divorce" all the time and who ever talks about it the other one will be like "oh uh uh, we together fooooorreeevverr!" lol and we always have been...and I knew we always would be, until all this. whew! It's been about 20 mins since I wrote my last sentence. I didn't realize how much this affected me...I tend to keep things in and not deal with them. I mean I can take whatever life throws at me, but the real things that affect me, I tend not to deal with, or accept. So I was typing and then I lost it, I just started bawling and I couldn't control it because I was so scared. I went and talked to my roomie who was a great comfort to me. I'm so afraid of losing my best friend but my roomie let me know I'll be ok and I have to ride it through. I just want to say goodbye to her now, that is how I deal with things...cut it before it hurts me, but I think I need to see this through until the end...whatever the results may be. I don't cry very often, but I do feel better now. I haven't been the most supportive friend, I tended to dismiss what she is going through, I tell myself I'm trying but maybe not trying hard enough. So I'm going to end this post now by stating I want to keep this friendship, I want to see where the next chapter in our lives takes us...I don't want to throw it away, which I may have been subconsciously doing lately. Wow, crying really makes you exhausted! Ok to be supportive and to acknowledge what my friend is going through, I'm going to post some transgen pics...Hey they are hot! ;-) peace.
p.s. sorry I had to go through all that in my blog, it was just something I had to deal with. Thanks for reading though. Much love.

Monday, February 19, 2007

I will blog soon!

I promise! Was hectic last week, relatives from out of town in this weekend...friends having drama! ugh! been crazy! ;-) peace

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Mickey Avalon...

...Jane Fonda...love this song! Ok there were a lot of videos that I found on youtube, but this one captured my attention I think, because my dad used to Zippos tricks for me when I was a kid! ;-) peace

Monday, February 12, 2007


It's Monday and my show will be on soon, so blogging now! Today was a weird day, it started out all sunny and birds singing and sunshine was just radiating out of my ass! Then a weirdo was talking to me on the train and kept trying to get my attention. He wanted to know what I was listening to...btw...did I mention I got a new phone? I love it, my bro bought it for me (ya know...the one who won $13k!) I love it! MP3 player, video, FM radio...etc. So I told him I was listening to a remix of Coldplays Clocks and he was like...Coldplay? and I was like yes and he was like (I know so CA huh?) hmmm...yeah they are a cool group, what's your name... I said John Smith. I don't think he got it, he might have been on drugs. Then another guy popped open a beer on the train (who drinks at 9 a.m.?!) and then proceeded to talk to himself and then ask me if I want a drink 'cause I "look like a cool cat" I politely declined.. I'm like a freak magnet...really...all the good nice guys like run when I walk into a room! LOL Then work was ok but then it got insane as usual and then it started to get gray...then a little rain, then a downpour. The highlight is my show is on and there is not egough gray, or rain or weirdos to mess with that! On that note, since it was such a mixed hodgepodge day of situations...I felt I needed to clean out my Yahoo Photos and this is what I found...just a mix of stuf. Have a great night! ;-) peace

Sunday, February 11, 2007

People I hate...

...ok, I don't hate them...hello I'm all about life is Wonderful! ;-) but I'm tired and need to get some sleep. I got a cool phone tonight that my bro bought me...it does everything! Although...I don't know how to make a call on it! lol...corny I know.. ;-) peace

Thursday, February 8, 2007


Thanks to blogger friend Buff for these pics! Life is good, it's been gray all day here, kinda sucks. ;-) peace



Wednesday, February 7, 2007

Tuesday, February 6, 2007

Happy Tuesday!!

Ok so last night was Heroes, OMG, gave me chills, I'm an addict for that show, hello my name is Leonard. Ok enough of that because I know it's just a show but people be pissing in my wheaties by not catching my ENTHUSIASM! PLUS the sun stays up for a bit longer now, so on my ride home last night and tonight...it felt good to see daylight and not all the dreary darkness on my way home or walking in to the night when I left my office.Today was an ok day, it was busy as hell and really, the preggie woman (who delivered like two months ago) that I'm covering for...needs to put her kid in day care and come back to work early because doing both positions is getting to me. Does anyone do myspace? I'm like really if you're like 14, I can understand (so like in six months you'll see my page all pimped out with all them bad ass graphics n shit), but a lot of my friends have the pages so I registered awhile ago and my page is boring I don't do anything to it and I don't have anything cool on it. It's just so I can keep in touch with my friends and the myspace nazis make you register in order to do that! Sooo...on that note, I posted my first bulletin tonight...it's lame,it's a survery, I get them all the time. So, I'm not giving into the myspace empire...I just thought I would post one bulletin so I seem more cordial to my friends who think I'm to good for myspace. So to share with my BLOGGER friends....here is the bulletin I posted AND to offset that, since I had a good couple of days...we all get to see Joseph Sayers in a lil video! Ok, this is the first time I've ever heard him speak...I will not say he sounds gay 'cause that is a stereo type! Just sayin... Ok,I have a friend coming over, we're going to watch a movie and chill. So without further ado...my lame ass myspace bulletin...and the hottie Joseph Sayers! ;-) peace

Sure I'll do a survey.
I think this is my first bulletin...I think. You myspace freaks...or...well...freaks.

Q:: When's the last time you ran?
A:: Last week, was late for my train to work, ok I didn't run per se...I just walked a bit quicker. I'm gay we don't run unless it's at the gym. Running for a cab, a train or a white day sale is beneath us.

Q:: How long does it take you to get ready in the morning?
A:: 20 minutes

Q:: Think of all your exes. Would you take any of them back?
A:: Only the ones with the gold cards. Oh wait, those weren't exes. Then no.

Q:: If anyone came to your house on your "lazy days" what would you be wearing?
A:: that could be any day...shorts and t-shirt in summer, and warm sweats in winter.

Q:: Have you ever kicked a vending machine?
A:: I don't do vending machines, unless there are condoms in there.

Q:: Don't you hate when the radio ruins good songs?
A:: Not really, chances are I've already downloaded it anyways.

Q:: Have you ever stayed online for a very long time waiting for
someone to sign in?
A:: mmm...I don't think so, that's what txting is for. Get ur ass online bitch! (that would be to J, never works though, she's ornery)

Q:: Are you sexy?
A:: I have my days.

Q:: Could you live without a computer?
A:: I have, I watched A LOT of tv.

Q:: Do you wear your shoes in the house?
A:: Uh yeah....

Q:: When you watch movies at home, do you turn the lights off?
A:: Sometimes, but not to a scary movie.

Q:: What do you do when you're sad?
A:: Wonder why the fuck I'm sad...I'm a happy person.

Q:: Who would you call first if you won the lottery?
A:: My mom and family....then promptly leave the country.

Q:: Last time you saw your best friend?
A:: last year

Q:: Pancakes or French toast?
A:: neither

Q:: Is anyone on your bad side right now?
A:: Our gay cat, if he doesn't quit meowing at me to open the back rooms so he can sleep on the beds, he's going to be ear muffs come morning.

Q:: What jewellery are you wearing?
A:: nada

Q:: What's the first thing you do when you get online?
A:: check my email

Q:: Do you watch Grey's Anatomy?
A:: No.

Q:: How do most people misspell your name?
A:: Lenard. dumb asses

Q:: What do you do before you sleep every night?
A:: pray

Q:: What was the first movie that gave you nightmares?
A:: I don't remember.

Q:: Is Justin Timberlake becoming the next Michael Jackson or
Elton John?
A:: First of all J he can't sing...that's a synthesizer! ugh! Um, he is neither Michael nor Elton. He's JT. Which isn't even close.

Q:: Do you know anyone who wasn't born in the UK?
A:: This is a stupid question, I know both.

Q:: Favourite name for a girl?
A:: Clitoris....hey, it's pretty!!

Q:: Will you keep your last name when you get married?
A:: I'm a second class citizen...I'm not allowed by the eggheads that run the country, or the dumbasses who voted for them.

Q:: When is the last time you left your house?
A:: 20 mins ago. Beer run. Friend coming over.

Q:: If you heard your phone ringing right now, who do you expect it to be?
A:: *sigh* My mom...has it been two hours yet?

Q:: What noise do you hear?
A:: The fat guy from King of Queens attemptng stand up on Comedy Central.

Q:: Would you survive in prison?
A:: If one more person says that's Disneyland for a gay guy...I'm gonna cut them with a rusty razor....and then I'll get back to you.

Q:: What was the last thing you ate?
A:: Chinese. Well the food...

Q:: When was the last time you said I love you, and meant it?
A:: I never mean it, my heart is coal...just waiting for it to turn into a diamond.

Q:: Who is the youngest in your family?
A:: Immediate family? Extended family? that question is to vague.

Q:: If all of your friends were going on a road trip, who would be most likely to over pack?
A:: Aim, that bitch packs to go to the mall...

Q:: Are you currently in a relationship? With who?
A:: Nope.

Q:: What brand is your cell phone?
A:: LG

Q:: What's for dinner?
A:: don’t know

Q:: Where is your cell phone?
A:: On the kitchen table

Q:: Is your phone on vibrate or ring most?
A:: vibrate because I'm at work...um, I can remember where my phone is usually....so I feel safe putting it on vibrate and not losing it. I'm grown.

Q:: Did you have breakfast this morning?
A:: nope

Q:: Do you like marshmallows?
A:: nope

Q:: What irritates you on the internet?
A:: Umm....I dunno...I guess I'll go with the consensus and say pop ups.

Q:: What brand is your digital camera?
A:: I don’t have one .

Q:: Do you watch movies with your parents?
A: sometimes

Q:: Would you rather sleep alone or with someone?
A:: alone

And now, the good stuff!

Sunday, February 4, 2007


The weekend was pretty much uneventful...although...on Thursday my brother took a break from his job and went to the local casino. He travels to all the stores of a popular grocery chain as a merchandiser in NorCal. Well on his lunch break he's craving a burrito from Gordito Burrito...gross...anyways they have one at the local casino in their food court. So he goes in, get's his food eats it...and puts 5 bucks in a nickel machine, loses and walks out...as he steps out of the casino...he decides he wants a piece of pizza and goes back (ok!) so on his way out, he puts a 20 in a dollar machine and plays and wins $2940.00!! Woo hoo good for him! He then goes back to work for the night. So Friday, he's near another casino and he's done for the day...it's around midnight, so he stops in and decides to play again. Ok, my brother is not a gambler...he never gambles. I've never even seen him gamble. So he's playing dollar machines and he's like hitting 60 to a 100 bucks on each machine (he keeps swtiching), well at one machine he HITS $10,000.00!!! He calls me the next morning and I'm like ur lying, I still wasn't sure about the $2900.oo payout...he tends to tell "stories"...so he's like meet me at moms and I'll show. Because I was like, you need to show me a deposit slip or something 'cause I am not hearing you. So I went down to moms and he showed up...and...well...for the first time in my life....I HELD $10,000.00 IN CASH IN MY HANDS! It was weird. To some people that may not be a lot but to our family from the rez, that is a lot of money! So it was cool, I'm happy for him and hope he uses it well. I told him he should take a vacation...and how funny would it be if what happened to the guy in the video below...happened to him!! LOL priceless. ;-) peace

teh gay
Uploaded by garcon

Thursday, February 1, 2007

Happy February!

Wow, it's already the second month of the year! Dang, and I *totally* forgot my New Years resolutions! On the other hand...that means it's time to go vote at Bent for the hottest Slap of the month! You know who I voted for! (here is a hint though) ;-) peace