Nostalgia...

...so, tonight I went to myspace, I'm not the biggest myspace fan and I only registered because my friends are on it and it's a great way to keep in touch with them. Well to make a long story short...I had guy from Deadwood S.Dakota add me awhile ago and I accepted, not knowing who he was. I often wonder how he found me since I changed my location to Sactown and I never met him. In any case, I checked out his friends list and saw some people I knew in Rapid City, then I checked out another guy who added me like two weeks after I got back here in Sept. only I knew Carl...well on his friends list, I found my buds Amanda and Brittany and through them I found Stacey! It was so cool, so tonight was all about hooking up with people I knew in Rapid City and sending add invites and messages saying hello. Not sure if there are any big plans to move back, but I do kind of miss the laid back lifestyle... ;-) peace

I am beat!

...I'm so glad tomorrow is friday, I also, am ready for summer...please bring on the hot weather now! I have absolutely nothing of interest to write about! It's just been work work work...I think ugly betty is on tonight...that's it, that's all I got. Hope every one is doing well. ooooh...unless you watched heroes, wasn't that the best episode so far!!??
;-) peace

Today's Weather

I have two friends who are in kind of a slump...one because of a man she can't have (and never could and why she even went there is beyond me) and one just because he's in a funk for over a year...and now wants to see if meds can help. ? hmmm. I wish them both the best though...they are good people. Today...well...today was just gray! I hate gray, and cold...ugh...and the rain doesn't help either. Although, some things are nice in gray! ;-) peace

Today's Weather...

...was cold! Cold and windy and dreary...and exhausting! My job is kicking my ass. I'm so scared. In less that a month I have to facilitate a judicial council meeting and an investigative panel meeting on the same day. I have so much research to do, so much work to do and it's ALL ON ME. Starting Monday I'm full time as the manager of judicial council and I'm looking forward to it because I can give 100% to it, but at the same time I am so behind. The last month wearing two hats has really taken a toll I think. I know that knowing was my last day in the legal department before my new position starts full time...has zapped me. Plus it was a full week. Ok, I'm a temp! Whatever happened to us just filing and answering phones! lol Well then again, I'm specialized with my background, but still! So on that note, I'm beat...it's late (oh gawd, I said it's late at 10:51pm on a Friday night!) so, g'nite and hope everyone has a great weekend!
;-) peace



got damn!

Rambling Train Ride

So as some of you know, I ride the train home from work each day, well days when I wake up on time and don't have to drive in at a hundred miles an hour to make it on time and then pay for a full day of parking. I email two friends throughout the day and we go back and forth and sometimes when I get home I do a post script..of my train ride home, so we can then talk about it tomorrow morning. ;-) I thought I'd post this one. Oh let me preface this by saying, Danny is a guy I work with, he's sweet and nice and cute and he dresses OH SO DAMN GOOD!! Seriously, he's straight but he must have a gay consultant or something 'cause he is fierce! His outfits have just been getting better and better the past couple of months, which of course makes me shop more 'cause hello, I'm gay!! I need to be best dressed, I conceded today though. My fashion gay gene must not be that dominant. His jacket matched his hair, his shirt matched his eyes, the whole ensemble was just perfect! So anyways...now the post..

So I'm on the lite rail on my way home and I'm checking out what the men are wearing (yes Danny has given me a complex) and I noticed that they are all pretty much drab except for the queen with his murse and Calvin Klein cologne which is hurting my sinuses. I hate CK, ugh the fag pheromone! Well I begin to notice that even the straight men have nice shoes, like really nice shoes. I ride the same car every day so I ride with the same people pretty much every day and I now know notice most of the men have more than one pair of work shoes. I only have one. I need shoes.

Secondly, there is this one tall and handsome man I check out periodically when he gets on at the same time I do. Nice smile, pretty eyes...married. He usually is very nice to people, I've never talked to him though. Well today he was standing right across from me and I noticed he had two wedding rings on (and good shoes) but the rings were on his middle fingers...one on each hand. Weird. So I'm listening to my cell phone and playing golf, when he puts his hand in front of my face to get my attention. So I pause my game and take out my ear buds and he asks if my phone was the new Chocolate. I know you have no tv, but it's a new phone from verizon that has a mp3 player on it also. Christina Aguilera sings Candyman on the commercial. It does look similar to mine. I say no, and I go to put my ear buds back in and he asks what kind is it? I say a Nokia and he goes what kind of Nokia, I say 6265i...it has video, an MP3 player and all that...and he goes it has the works huh? and I say yes and he flashes his smile. So I my put my earbuds back in and go back to my game. A minute later I look up and he's holding...and I seriously recoil at this point...a Bible!! I was like oh no, he's going to try and reform me!! Who reads the bible on the Folsom train?? Well before anything could happen someone gets on the train that he knows and they start talking...and it was my stop...whew, so I got off fast!! So maybe he wasn't trying to reform me but instead just catching up on his reading 'cause it's Ash Wednesday?? So do I stand next to him next time? Or keep away...far far away??

Happy (faux) Hump Day!

Can you tell I'm ready for the week to be over already?? Well let's see. Work is insane as usual but I should get some relief this coming Monday as the lady I was covering for comes back from maternity leave...so then...I can just concentrate on the one position instead of two. Which is good because I have a meeting I have to facilitate next month and will need that long to prepare for it. Hmmm...I really am wondering if I should blog about this next subject. Well, I mean I should, it's pulling at me and I need to talk about it. Well I have friend...my best friend...who is female. Well, she now wants to be a he. I'm ok with that, I am. I just don't know about the end result, will she/he still be the person I've known since my 21st birthday? The night I met her and she saved me from a guy who was all over me! (I wasn't as outspoken then as I am now ;-) Will he still get my jokes and our humor that we basically created, will he still go guuurrrlll...and end with some smart ass remark? Will he still go with me inside our "bubble" that no one gets when they are around us and we are laughing our asses off? Will he still tell me I have a thin body even though I feel like I'm HUGE and need my ego stroked? Will he still be available for me to call at any time of day or night to ask who was in this movie that was about this subject? Because she has seen soooo many movies and knows them all by heart! Will he still call me snugglewugglepookiebear? Or is that not masculine enough? Will he still say when he's feeling bad or sick...come rub my tushie!
Will any of that change? That...I do not know...that is what I'm afraid of. If all that disappears...then what? I can't "fake" a friendship with someone I've known for so long. I had another friend tell me she had a friend named Jessica, Jessica is now Rick (or Tim) I forget, well that person, the new person..the male person...is so different now. His voice has changed, his demeanor has changed...she has changed. There isn't any part of Jessica in Rick (or Tim). They are not close friends now, they are acquaintances. I have been through so much with my best friend...so...so..much, I don't want to be his acquaintance, I want my best friend. I know that is selfish, and she will be quick to point out IT'S NOT ABOUT ME! lol So I know now that she is thinking I don't accept her lifestyle change, that's not it. I have my own opinions on transgendered people and I keep those to myself. They are not bad opinions...just ignorant ones I guess, because I don't get it. My point is, do what you need to do to feel whole, to be happy and to be the person you know you can be. Another thing that confuses me is she only wants the top surgery, not the bottom surgery...but she wants to take T (testosterone). So...and this may sound stupid..but is she then female or male? Does it matter? Should I care? In this day and age you have to be so PC, I just don't even know how to express these questions. I have asked her some things, but maybe not all that I should. As I write this I get a bit choked up, I get a bit scared and I get a bit sad. She has been such a part of my life for so long, her mom...I call momma #2 and have spent many a holiday with them. I've met her family, I've went to family functions with her and them. I know them, they are a part of me, she is a part of me. What if she does change? what if my best friend, my Ange is no longer Ange...but only Chase, a Chase I don't even know? Ok we have our problems like most best friends do, we talk about "divorce" all the time and who ever talks about it the other one will be like "oh uh uh, we together fooooorreeevverr!" lol and we always have been...and I knew we always would be, until all this. whew! It's been about 20 mins since I wrote my last sentence. I didn't realize how much this affected me...I tend to keep things in and not deal with them. I mean I can take whatever life throws at me, but the real things that affect me, I tend not to deal with, or accept. So I was typing and then I lost it, I just started bawling and I couldn't control it because I was so scared. I went and talked to my roomie who was a great comfort to me. I'm so afraid of losing my best friend but my roomie let me know I'll be ok and I have to ride it through. I just want to say goodbye to her now, that is how I deal with things...cut it before it hurts me, but I think I need to see this through until the end...whatever the results may be. I don't cry very often, but I do feel better now. I haven't been the most supportive friend, I tended to dismiss what she is going through, I tell myself I'm trying but maybe not trying hard enough. So I'm going to end this post now by stating I want to keep this friendship, I want to see where the next chapter in our lives takes us...I don't want to throw it away, which I may have been subconsciously doing lately. Wow, crying really makes you exhausted! Ok to be supportive and to acknowledge what my friend is going through, I'm going to post some transgen pics...Hey they are hot! ;-) peace.
p.s. sorry I had to go through all that in my blog, it was just something I had to deal with. Thanks for reading though. Much love.
Leonard

I will blog soon!

I promise! Was hectic last week, relatives from out of town in this weekend...friends having drama! ugh! been crazy! ;-) peace

Mickey Avalon...

...Jane Fonda...love this song! Ok there were a lot of videos that I found on youtube, but this one captured my attention I think, because my dad used to Zippos tricks for me when I was a kid! ;-) peace

Heroes!

It's Monday and my show will be on soon, so blogging now! Today was a weird day, it started out all sunny and birds singing and sunshine was just radiating out of my ass! Then a weirdo was talking to me on the train and kept trying to get my attention. He wanted to know what I was listening to...btw...did I mention I got a new phone? I love it, my bro bought it for me (ya know...the one who won $13k!) I love it! MP3 player, video, FM radio...etc. So I told him I was listening to a remix of Coldplays Clocks and he was like...Coldplay? and I was like yes and he was like (I know so CA huh?) hmmm...yeah they are a cool group, what's your name... I said John Smith. I don't think he got it, he might have been on drugs. Then another guy popped open a beer on the train (who drinks at 9 a.m.?!) and then proceeded to talk to himself and then ask me if I want a drink 'cause I "look like a cool cat" I politely declined.. I'm like a freak magnet...really...all the good nice guys like run when I walk into a room! LOL Then work was ok but then it got insane as usual and then it started to get gray...then a little rain, then a downpour. The highlight is my show is on and there is not egough gray, or rain or weirdos to mess with that! On that note, since it was such a mixed hodgepodge day of situations...I felt I needed to clean out my Yahoo Photos and this is what I found...just a mix of stuf. Have a great night! ;-) peace

People I hate...

...ok, I don't hate them...hello I'm all about life is Wonderful! ;-) but I'm tired and need to get some sleep. I got a cool phone tonight that my bro bought me...it does everything! Although...I don't know how to make a call on it! lol...corny I know.. ;-) peace