Random Memory-First Gay Bar.

Yesterday I was watching the Glee epi where Kurt and Blaine go to their first gay bar. Brought back memories of when I went to mine. I don't do gay bars now, or anything with the gay lifestyle actually. I think some people grow out of it, and for some it's their identity as a person. For me, it's just another part of what makes me, me. In any case, I was 16 and hanging out with some friends at a beach in Alameda. One of my friends brought up the idea of going to a gay bar, and everyone jumped at the idea. I was the one who was nervous and double thinking about it. Well since they were my ride, and I was miles from home, I guess I was going to a gay bar. :)

It was so cliche, we went to The Stud (which is kind of an iconic bar, not sure if it's still around). It was like 4pm on a Sunday afternoon and we were a group of teenagers just coming from the beach, really? Like we weren't going to get in, LOL, I say that jadedly now, but at the time I was terrified. We told the whole lie, that yes we were of age, but we lost our ID's, and we didn't want to drink we just wanted to dance, and all that. Well we didn't want to drink was true, well at least I didn't. I remember I was wearing a half-shirt and cut off Levis, lol, as they say now...daisy dukes (gawd I was gay). Well the bouncer did let us in, but told us not to try and order alcohol, and just gave us the creepiest smile, and lifted up my shirt with the pen he was holding. This was before I had an attitude! LOL I didn't know what to do. Try that today and it's fist and elbows! :)

So we went in and it was dark, there was music bumping, and it gotta kinda quiet when we walked in. I was convinced it was because they knew we were underage and were going to tell on us. We kept to ourselves in the middle of the room, a few of the guys were all cocky and acted liked they went to bars all the time, I tried to avoid looking any one in the eyes. When I finally did feel brave enough to look around, whoa, it seemed all these men were staring at us and I felt on display. Which in retrospect, I guess I was. My friend Kevin HAD to choose the middle of the room to stand, he very much an attention getter. Haha, I admired that about him. The reason this memory always sticks with me, besides being my first gay bar, is because of the guy in the white polo with purple horizontal stripes. I will always remember him.

He was a cute guy, not sure what age, 20 something? Brown hair, blues eyes not quite 6 foot but taller than me. He wore Levi jeans and white tennis shoes, and a white polo with horizontal stripes. He kept looking at me and I was so nervous, but he had a nice smile. I was looking around the bar, not at the guys but just the details of it. The neon sign over the bar, the front door where we walked in, which was still open, the bartender and how flustered he look with his customers. Things like that, well the group had moved a few feet away from me and I hadn't noticed, until the guy in the white polo with purple stripes came up to me and asked me what time it was (ikr?). I clearly wasn't wearing a watch, but I didn't think about that (hello I was 16). I apologized and told him sorry I didn't, and then looked at my friends and did one of those BIG steps where you stretch out your leg and lean back to make the step. Clearly shunning him. I didn't mean to. I was just freaked out! And this is why I will always remember him, when I turned around to look back, he had returned to his friend but he looked so sad, like he just found out his puppy died. He looked at me with those eyes, and I just felt terrible.

We didn't stay too much longer after that, and I kind of moved into the middle of the group so I was kind of hidden. The bouncer came and told us it was time leave, business was picking up. Haha. We had no idea why that meant we had to leave, but we were all so happy to just have made it in.

And that's my first gay bar experience. ;) peace