Thanksgiving

Was typical, cold, dreary, drizzly, and alone. No one thought to come get me for dinner, I don't really blame anyone though, it's an hour drive each way. My one cousin who lives close by was too stoned to go get something to eat, I know, ironic. So I took myself to Panda Express. Came home, watched my shows (I love Happy Endings!) and read a chapter for school. I wanted to go see Breaking Dawn, but once I started walking, I just kept walking, and thinking.

I'm really hurt that my brother didn't come pick me up for dinner, I'm really hurt that my mom didn't TELL him to, like she has done with me in the past. I'm really hurt my mom had the AUDACITY to call me up and tell me how good everything was. WTF!!?? She told me she put leftovers away for me, and I just kinda flipped out on her. Told her this family sucks, when I'm doing good, everyone wants something from me, rides, money, favors, but now that I'm down and out on unemployment and going to school, suddenly I'm not worthy of an hour drive? A "go get your brother"?

Sorry, I'm acting like a spoiled brat, my feelings are just hurt. So after my rant she says "so you're saying you don't want your leftovers?". *sigh* I told her I don't care, my bro hasn't even texted me since he's been down to let me know if we're still on for Saturday, and me going back with them to pick up his car. I'm extremely hurt he didn't offer it back in April when my car died, but once again, he doesn't HAVE to, but I would have for him without a second thought.

Today's reflection while walking around, was wondering if I'm adopted. LOL! Seriously, I like to think I'm a good person, I always help others when I can, I TRY not to judge, I basically just try to do the right thing. And then there's my family, haha, how am I even related to them! They're nothing like me, they're gossipy, and judgmental, and will turn on you in a moment's notice! I mean I'm not even close to being perfect, but sometimes I wonder how I turned out like I did, and they are the way they are. I think it's exposure to life. I've seen things, I've experienced many things, I've traveled, I've taken chances, I've taken risks, I've lived. My family has been stuck. My brother has only lived 2 places (here, and a small town in Oregon) as an adult, and has had one job, my sister has never lived more than 20 miles from my parent's city. She's also a drug addict, and homeless, but that's a whole different post. My parents, well it was the rez, then Rapid City, then The Bay Area, then when where they live now, for the past 20 years or so. And my younger brother? Also, never left, lives in the next city over from my parents, and I think he's bipolar, we don't talk.

I think if you live in a small world, you will have a small mind. I'm sure that's not the general rule for everyone, but I think it applies to my family. Same with my California cousin's, all of them have never lived anywhere but here in Cali, most of them have only lived in a few places their whole lives. I've lived in 6 states and one other country! Haha. I dunno, they just kinda bummed me out today, my whole family, extended also.

I kind of want to tell my brother to shove it, and I don't need his car, and then figure something out for next term. I can't keep having the guys take me to and from school. They are great though for volunteering, and doing that. Heck my brother may even change his mind, and not let me use the car. If so I have a backup plan. My mantra is "I'll make it work". I always have, and always will.

So while today I'm supposed to give thanks to things I'm thankful for, like friends and family, F that. Haha, I only have me in this world, so I'm thankful for me and how I've never given up, how I haven't become a Native statistic like so many people I went to Jr. High with, and that despite all this crap right now, I still keep it positive. I'll always find a way, and I still believe in people...even the ones I want to disown. :p

I'm also thankful for the kindness of strangers, people I've never met who tell me they believe in me, or that everything will work out. My TwitFam, my blog readers, you are definitely my rock, my cheering section, and I thank you for your kinds words. Much peace and love, and I hope all of you had a great Thanksgiving!
;) peace

Holiday Blues

So, from today on, until Jan 2nd, will suck. I don't know why, but this time of year just sucks for me. Hasn't always been that way, just the last 5 years since I got back from S. Dakota. I've been homeless, unemployed, took care of my auntie who had terminal cancer, and basically it's just sucked. So, I'm going to try and be positive, and my usual optimistic self, but we'll see how that goes. It's already starting off badly. Today my brother was supposed to bring his extra car down for me to use, but he didn't. He didn't want his GF driving in bad weather, so they brought the one car. I understand his intentions were good, but now I have to take two days of traveling to ride back with him to Oregon, and then driving back. Plus, I don't like that drive, and I usually end up having a panic attack, and it's just a horrible experience. AND I have finals next week, a research paper due, and I need to start studying for my first MS Certification. AND since he didn't bring me the car, my Thanksgiving will be spent in an IHOP since I have no way down to my parent's for dinner. Can you blame me for not liking this time of year???

On a better note, I hope all of YOU have a great and safe Thanksgiving. I'm going to check out the latest Twilight movie tomorrow. ;) peace

BW Pics

I had a great Thanksgiving weekend but feel HELLA bad I didn't do any homework or studying! I have two assignments due tomorrow by midnight, will be a busy day tomorrow of studying for me. I'm going to be playing catch up this week, big time, but I can do it!

On the other hand, I had a great time with my Cuz, we spent some quality time together and caught a movie and just chilled. I did some "tune up" work on her laptop and some other computers in the house and it went very well. I knew what I was doing and now her machines run better.

The weather was weird, we had like an hour of sun but other than that, it was dark and cloudy. I'm happy for Winter to be here, just wish my car had a heater! ;) peace

Happy Thanksgiving!

Had a great day with my family, good eats, spent time with my nephew and ate enough to feed a family of four!! Tomorrow is more eating, and then Saturday...more eating. So my pic tonight isn't as hot as I normally post but it's a memory of my stomach before Thanksgiving! lol I'm hoping it still looks the same come Monday morning! I hope everyone had a great Holiday and I'm thankful for so much, I can't even list everything. Big Hugz to all. ;) peace

Happy T Day~!

My bro is down from Oregon and my other bro will be at my moms. Not sure about my cracked out sister, but I hope she is well and yes, I will at least call and wish her a Happy Thanksgiving. I get to see my babies tomorrow (Raymond and Lakota, nephew and niece) so I'm excited about that. I beat people down tonight to get a copy of CARS so we can watch it together, hey, ya do wacha gotta! ;-) hope everyone has a great Holiday however you spend it. Eat lots, we have a good excuse to stuff ourselves for the next few weeks. ;-) peace
p.s. and because it's a Holiday...you KNOW who you get today. :-)
Happy Thanksgiving Joseph Sayers!

Some BW pics for ya...

...been awhile since I posted any. Have a great Thanksgiving Week! ;-) peace